You Can Always Stop Being “That Guy”

When people talk about men being awful it never (that I know of) means “and because you identify as a man you are inherently awful”. It means “men are so so so so so often making the same awful choices we just fucking expect it now”.

You can choose every single day to not be That Guy. Even if most guys are That Guy (that guy being a variety of different choices that harm women and others). Even if you used to be That Guy. A lot of the good men I know admit to having been a huge douche when they were younger–you can change.

I get that it’s overwhelming that women don’t trust you, but if you continually choose to unlearn the ways men are taught entitlement, listen to the ways men hurt women and others, and really be aware of those choices, things will change. If you choose to use your influence to get other guys to choose to not hurt us, things will change. There will be more safety and more trust.

I think a lot of men don’t realize that “ughh men” is something they can absolutely change, not by demanding we give them a chance personally, but by not making the collection of choices that goes into us groaning about various men. Enough men stop making those choices, we’ll stop being afraid of them, because the threat will be gone.

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