When you grow up in an abusive situation, you’re so used to questioning your own feelings and thoughts so constantly, you are really vulnerable and susceptible to what other people tell you.
This is why I write to validate people, because when you have been invalidated over and over constantly, your whole life, you will listen to every bit of invalidation for a good long time, until you learn to trust yourself.
That is incredibly difficult when you are not hearing things that counteract the bullshit.
I have written other things, probably even really invalidating things, and I’m sorry about that part.
What I feel truly fulfilled by though is writing things that validate people struggling to trust their own perceptions.
It’s reasonable to be open to learning new things, to changing your mind, to being wrong. But it’s not reasonable to never be able to trust anything you think or feel unless others validate it. It really sucks to need that. It’s not something to be ashamed of. I feel like I’m starting to climb out of that, of needing that. But I know very much what it’s like, and how it creeps deep into you so it’s still there even sometimes when you think it’s left.
You’re valid, your feelings and thoughts are valid. If something feels deeply wrong, it’s okay to question it. Good to, even. It’s really difficult to know what’s real sometimes, and that too, is not a failing. It just is. It can take time, and consideration to understand what you believe, and it’s okay to take that time–this is something I’m learning and growing more into.
I have a lot of thoughts about this in regards to activism, and for a long time feeling like questioning things internally was the same as being a jerk and rejecting them because they aren’t your experience–and it’s been good to start to learn the difference.
It’s -not- shameful to have a hard time listening to yourself. It’s just difficult. It can change.