Bisexuals are still oppressed when you’re not looking

I am 5000% tired of the idea that bisexuals are “straight passing” unless they’re currently making out with someone of the same gender in a crowd and everyone is reading them as the same gender.

Seriously. Is it a privilege to have to come out all the time, even after we’ve already come out?

Is it a privilege to have boyfriends tell bisexual girlfriends their orientation is “hot” so how about we have sex on demand and with random other women?

Is it a privilege to have higher suicide and sexual assault rates than gay people? (And let me make it clear this isn’t me calling being gay more privileged–it’s me discrediting the idea that we suffer less.)

Is it a privilege to be told you’ll “get over” your orientation one day by straight and gay people? No matter how old you are?

To face constant invalidation? To have people tell bisexual people they are not part of the Lesbian, Gay, BISEXUAL, Transgender (LGBT) community?

I’m so tired of this shit. I have no idea why it makes people feel good to find someone else to exclude, but when you exclude bisexuals from LG****B****T communities (emphasis in case you somehow again missed that B sitting right there) you’re telling us we’re worthless not just to straight people but to gay people too. That we should accept abuse from straight people because we deserve no support from you.

I keep trying to think of situations where this passing shit makes sense.

Let me see…When you’re bisexual and have a cis binary gender (and you’re white, and you’re not disabled, when you’re generally someone whose relationships would be respected), you might end up in a man/woman relationship, and might be treated well by others in the context of that relationship, with people who do not know you’re bisexual (which is, being in the closet).

You’ll get less shit for being with that person, as long as people don’t know you’re bisexual. But once they know, you’ll get the same shit you’d get for being gay, or maybe just the old “aren’t you done being gay now?”

If your partner doesn’t decide you’re un-rapeable and it’s okay to sexually abuse you, if your partner decides your identity is valid and doesn’t mock you for it, if your partner doesn’t try to use you as a sexual threeway ticket when you don’t want that, if your partner doesn’t act ashamed of you, and if you actually want to be seen as straight and are comfortable being seen as straight, then sure, I’ll concede that in that relationship maybe you’ve got some “passing privilege”.

But this shit where “if you’re a girl and your tongue isn’t down another girl’s throat right now plus you’ve never dated a man, you’re straight” really has to end, because it’s part of what’s killing us. Straight people are oppressing us, but gay people are telling us we don’t deserve community, and if we don’t want to find community with straight people who treat us like shit, we shouldn’t have community at all.

I haven’t even gone into what it’s like to be transgender and bisexual, to be non-white and bisexualdisabled and bisexual,  and/or poor and bisexual and the ways we get treated poorly by straight, gay, and even other bisexual people.

I definitely find the idea that the “we’re just like you, straight people” white, cis gay people tell trans, bisexual people of color they have “passing privilege” to be especially and infuriatingly hilarious (because I laugh when I’m angry), but I think that even white, cis gay people telling white, cis bisexuals they’ve got “passing privilege” is bullshit.

There are nuances to life–and there are people who have it easier than others. But that also includes where you live, what your family is like, and what you want out of life. That definitely includes what other privileges you do or don’t have. But we don’t consider any of those to be factors in whether or not someone is a sexual minority.

Unless gay people who tell bisexuals we have “straight passing privilege” also think they have or had “passing privilege” when they are/were afraid to come out, or when they are single, I don’t see the logic that being bisexual is “straight passing.” And I’ve looked. Every time this bullshit comes up, I think over it again and again. It’s just not there. It seems less and less there every time I look. Probably because I have more self-esteem as time goes on and I don’t just accept I’m not “gay enough” when told anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

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